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Muere alguien cercano –y, créanme, estoy en una edad en que ello sucede a menudo-, y me pregunto si le abracé lo suficiente. La memoria contiene atenciones dedicadas a la piel, al perfume de cada uno. En mi olfato evocador permanecen los referentes de esa persona con la misma exactitud con que ahora mismo, si cierro los ojos, evoco el olor de la gente viva a la que quiero, tanto si permanece lejos como si voy a encontrármela en el transcurso del día de hoy. Registramos la percepción que recibimos de las personas amadas –y hay muchas formas de amar, afortunadamente–, el aroma que desprenden y la manera en que nuestra capacidad para el encuentro lo adopta y clasifica. Pues se mezclan, en los sentimientos que perdurarán para el recuerdo convertidos en una sensación única, el olor del otro y nuestro don más o menos afilado para recibirlo.
Y es entonces, cuando alguien muere, y te llegan a los sentidos el vaho de su cabello en verano, la frescura de sus pecas en invierno, el mensaje de su ropa… Es entonces cuando te preguntas si os abrazasteis lo bastante.
Inevitablemente, uno mira alrededor para comprobar si está abrazando lo bastante a quienes le rodean y le importan. Y comprende que hay mucho abrazo vano y mucho besuqueo en el aire, pero que nos falta acercar el pecho, darse con el torso uno de esos toques profundos, una de esas transmisiones de afecto que el otro metaboliza, que acompañan.
¿Se han dado cuenta de la cantidad de personas que retroceden un paso cuando pretendemos abrazarlas así? Sobre todo hombres. Los hombres sufren, para su desgracia –no es el caso de los gays, desde luego-, de falta de aprendizaje para los contactos que no sean sexuales. La ternura los inunda, pero carecen de espitas para darles cauce. Entonces los abrazas y callan, temiendo que se vaya a abrir el mar Rojo y los vaya a engullir, o que se vaya a abrir el mar Rojo y sencillamente los escupa. Es decir, temiendo, pero no sabiendo qué temer. Estamos en una época en que el contacto físico sentido, no el de las palmadas en los hombros ni las formalidades, acobarda.
No hablo de amantes –ése sería otro cantar: que hablen quienes aún tienen hormonas–, hablo de amigos. ¿Nos apretamos las manos, no para saludarnos, sino para comunicarnos? ¿Lo hacemos en público, sin importarnos los demás sólo porque nos lo pide el cuerpo, sólo porque nos parece necesario, sólo para decir “estoy aquí, contigo, como siempre”? A veces sí. Pero no con tanta frecuencia como deberíamos.
Hay personas ríspidas, hirsutas, erizadas. Me faltan definiciones, pero muchas tienen que ver con los moluscos. Mal educadas en las emociones físicas, con una infancia a cuestas que aún destila sequedad o exceso de leche materna, y que tienden a envararse, confundiendo la sobriedad con el papel de lija.
Hay gente que no sabe abrazar y que no lo sabrá nunca, con lo que eso supone de soledad interna para ellos, y de despellejamiento de los abrazos de uno, de frustración. Y hay gente que abraza demasiado, tanto que se desvaloriza, y termina dando tanto que da muy poco.
Pero entre medias hay personas que aprenden a abrazar, que superan el miedo al compromiso –o simplemente, a no saber hacerlo, a que se les note la falta de costumbre– y que se van abriendo de a poquitos. Créanme de nuevo –pues entre lectores y leídos siempre hay algo de relación de mutua fe–, es una sensación extraordinaria asistir a eso, al descubrimiento de los tiernos gestos físicos, gestos amistosos hasta el tuétano, gestos puntuales que acercan más que las palabras o que dotan de sangre y calor a las palabras, o que hablan con una elocuencia para la que aún no hemos inventado palabras.
Hay personas que aprenden a abrazar, y personas que aprendemos a apreciar su esfuerzo y a respetar sus caminos. Y agradecemos que eso ocurra, porque es un trabajo que habremos hecho en vida y del que nadie se arrepentirá.
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